Zenny's mind cookies

D:

2009-08-06T08:46:00.003+06:30

blogskins

I promised myself that I'll update this blog after my bestfriend's debut party. But it took two more weeks before thinking twice on it and totally acting on it.
What motivated me to write this is the photos of that memorable night I was scanning through just this morning.
We were all happy and worry-free. I smiled at all the stolen shots, the photographer took the best ones. The debut party not only served as my bestfriend's first social engagement, but it also served a little reunion of friends.
Most of her friends in high school were there and we had so much fun.

Well, this blog entry is just an introduction to my next post (to be posted soon) that details the happenings and everything.

ayt~! see ya laters <3

totally freaked out...

2009-06-23T09:45:00.002+06:30

like really..>.>
witnessing your sister getting off...>.<

when I came in our room [that's because we 3 sisters are sharing a single room] she was really busy with it!

I was in the living room and doing my usual thing every morning, watch tv, eat breakfast, fix some stuff and clean other stuff and of course surfing the net. So yeah, I went to our bedroom to get something when I heard some "creaking" ( I didn't know she was there), I peeked in slowly and saw her... you know, getting it off and getting totally busy.

I thought I was the only one doing it...but I guess I'm not alone. XD

she's coming home

2009-04-27T18:16:00.002+06:30

I am so happy to hear from Granny Mang, my bestfriend's grandmother, that my bestfriend Jane living (with her family) & studying in japan (from 2007-recently) is coming home for a 5-day vacation!
Wheeee~!! ♥
I'm really excited to see her and her Okasan ^~^
I have a lot to tell her! OMG!
I am sooo excited because she wasn't able to visit us, her friends, last year.
-Sigh-

^~^

VBS

2009-04-26T12:17:00.002+06:30

I had to say goodbye to the kids.. T^T.. it's saddening because I really like being with them. My mood hasn't been so good the past few days and I don't understand why, and going to the place where the kids are and teaching them lessons somehow comforts me. I don't do all the talking though, I ask them questions; they answer then they start talking and I listen. And after every lesson, we play games. Playing games with them somehow relieved me of my stress and "mood swings". I try to mask the depression when I talk to them though, I don't want to see their teacher's (me..) weakness, they wouldn't understand anyways.

so okay...
day1: at first the kids were a bit shy to us..
day2: some started introducing and opening themselves to us
day3: all are open and friendly...then they started asking us (specially me) to play
day4: after the lessons, we'd play and have fun...^^ I liked it because I go back to my childhood personality when I play; loud, cheerful, hyper and fair-player
day5: I had to spend the last day with them..and make that day as memorable as possible^^ ..

to be edited later...this is making me sad..]]

Not Found

2009-04-24T05:51:00.002+06:30

Not Found

I jumped & screamed
so happy, I am, I thought
I sat down, then pondered
sadness, I sought

Giggle & wiggle I did
this heart feels heavy
sing, shout like a kid
these knees are weary

Sit & stare above
sweat drips, trickles
nothing, no one to think of
tears; my cheek tickles

Climb & lay on bed
silently stare above
so happy, I am, I thought
but sadness still not found

What I wrote last night..

2009-04-24T05:31:00.002+06:30

Tell me

Tell me when can I close my eyes?
I want to close them now...
When will I fall?
I've been hanging on the edge; my fingers hurt
How do I scream this out?
Teach me, because I can't hold it in anymore...
Point me to a corner, please?
I need to hide from it all...I need my little box
Why isn't my tears falling?
I've been keeping them in my little bottle inside for a while...
What do I do to throw these grudges out?
My heart carried them for years...

Is this real? Am I seeing it? Is my heart breaking?
I want to cry now, shut my eyes, scream it out...
but when I open my mouth, no sound comes out

Are you finished? Is it my turn now?
can I put myself first now?
(stop being selfish for once and open your eyes)

I need consolation, will someone give it to me?
I'm seeking a friend, a hero, a listener
I'm tired of always being the one who listens...

Are you trustworthy? I'm quite unsure...

Are you selfless? Because I'm tired of selfishness...

Are you honest?true? Because I'm tired of SECRETS and LIES...

Now tell me, when can I close my eyes?
They're red with too much sadness and pain...

scorpio and cancer

2009-04-22T19:35:00.002+06:30

Moon Scorpio-Moon Cancer

Both of you are very sensitive and intuitive about others' needs and feelings, and become deeply attached to people. The two of you can become very, very close, intensely bonded to one another, for you both need and seek a very complete emotional union with your partner. Cancer is very dependent on loved ones, and so is Scorpio, though Scorpio doesn't always show or admit it. When you want something or care about something or someone, both of you are very emotional and often lose all objectivity.

For the most part you are quite compatible, but there are some differences. Scorpio is more passionate, more emotionally driven, and has very strong loves, hates, and emotional reactions to people and situations (though these feelings may be hidden).

Scorpio's depths are revealed to very few, and it is difficult for Scorpio to be openly vulnerable and to relinquish control in a relationship. Scorpio can be very vindictive when hurt or angry. Cancer, on the other hand, is softer, more tender and gentle, and may be upset at times by Scorpio's vehemence. Cancer wants and needs a very sympathetic, nurturing, non-competitive and peaceful atmosphere.

~~> Love it ^^.. -giggles&blushes-

from :http://www.cafeastrology.com/moonsignscorpiocompatibility.html#cancer

Children

2009-04-21T15:40:00.004+06:30

Being a volunteer teacher for elementary students is such a great experience.
Kids are so much fun, they're

...very out-going, like everyone's a friend.

...cheerful; seeming not to worry about anything.

...honest; when they want to say something they say it.

...very straightforward, yet their words don't hurt, it inspires.

...

contenment

2009-04-20T20:54:00.003+06:30

I like staring at animals
specifically dogs...

I like playing with dogs
they make me smile

when I'm sad, I hang out with them
they make me smile..

They comfort me when I'm irritated
they make my heart sing...

=^0.0^=

to sleep or not

2009-04-20T09:59:00.004+06:30

The taste of my medicine Erceflora Nebula...is like water from the faucet that stayed stagnant for 4 days...
Doc said I take it an hour before meals, so yeah I did as what she told. Now my tummy, specifically my upper abdomen, hurts a bit. Well, it only hurts a bit because I'm immune to these physical pains that I can somehow tolerate worse.
(...so much for being a sadomasochist XD)

~~~

Now I want to sleep and rest...I may not feel that bad, but I just want to lay down, stare at the ceiling, think of nothing, listen to the crickets and just be blank for a moment.
Then go back to reality...if that's where I'm supposed to go back to.
But no, I shouldn't sleep...I have stuff to do...
This summer is boring and I want to do something, but whenever there's something up for me I want to just go back to my bored state. And the cycle goes on and on...

raining again...under summer's sky

2009-04-19T14:32:00.000+06:30

It's raining again...

it's summer, but the rain is pouring down on the roof like naigara falls of canada.
It's cold, yes...but not freezing...the kind of cold that makes you wanna sit at the table with a bowl of chicken soup mother made...the kind of cold that makes you wanna curl up in a fetal position on your bed while listening to Corinne Bailey Rae songs...the kind of cold that make you wanna hibernate, telling your brain and heart to rest for months...

it's 4 pm yet the clouds look like 6 pm clouds...time to prepare dinner? no.
I went outside because dad asked me to buy coffee at a near by "tiangge" ... I liked the cool breeze on my face upon opening the door...I smiled seeing the pink roses in full bloom...I stared at two kids passing by eating pocky sticks...

and then I reminisced my childhood memories...
...playing games, sharing ghost stories, hanging out at different places, eating chips...
and the best would be dancing or singing under the rain with them...

It's raining again...it's cold...
And I'm smiling...

Photos..

2009-04-18T20:14:00.000+06:30

I enjoy taking black and white photos. I usually take pictures of nature; flowers, stones, moss, etc. I like how soothing and calming it is.
I sometimes as my brother to be my model in some photos, ahaha, he seems to be enjoying it as well.

Teh Hospital...

2009-04-18T17:49:00.000+06:30

This morning, I had a medical check up. My father and I went together to the Hospital, then to my Pediatrician.
So, after telling my doctor what I felt during the month (experienced diarrhea twice, tummy pains, nausea and painful defecation) , she suspected it was amoebiasis. Then she asked me if I had fever this month, I said no, waited for her to say something but instead she started scribbling out her prescription for me.
Erceflora nebules, Tagamet and Oral rehydrites. She told me to take the nebules twice a day one hour before meals. Monitor anything that's going on with me, record, go back to her and have another check up again. Then wrote a request for fecalysis and urinalysis. The findings were both negative. I told my mom about it then she suggested full abdomen ultrasound.

I was thinking, that this is another waste of money. Me being sickly, just adds to my father's stress factors.
Mom is in Manila having her Summer Affiliation. She'll be dealing with mental patients and teaching students on how to assess, assist, all nursing procedures etc the patients. Also, she'll be touring the city and buying stuff.

So she took with her 10k, all to be spent on stuff that she need not most.
I mean, dad has 6k here, and he needs more money for my medicine and laboratory exams, the internet bill, water bill, electricity bill and more stuff needed at home..now what's left with dad's money is 2k and he needs to buy medicine for the sickly (me) and food for 5 people, whereas my mom doesn't have to buy or to cook hers because she's staying at an apartment-like place where they just pay 650 bucks a day for 3 meals, water, electricity and other services, just name it.

It just pisses me off...Mom said she'd send money here, then said it'll be delayed for the bank was closed..meh...
I'm not being selfish or hoard-some, but think of the money my dad needs more and i just can't accept my mom having more and spending it on clothes that will just rot away years later...whilst saving my life now will rot 60 years...hello??

I welcome myself to blogging

2009-04-18T07:01:00.001+06:30

Aaahh..yes..blogging...I heard that blogging is cool. So I thought, 'Maybe I should try it out', and yes I did after 2 years of thinking about it XD.

I was thinking about making one when I saw one of my old friend's blog yesterday. It looked so cool and calming; how she played with her words and how simple the template she used yet appealing to the eyes like, "Wow!"

So last night, I lay on my parent's bed and thought about it.
If I make a blog, I could share my thoughts with my friends online and with my friends living far away...
if I make a blog, I can whisper to anyone in the web...
if I make a blog, I ... I can somehow accomplish self-satisfaction..

AND BOOM~!! this morning, I woke up with the motivation to do so..XD